my lovely life :)

up up & away

2012-02-06T08:27:00.000+10:00

we gave my husband this awesome gift

this man of mine loves to fly

he paraglides, has his hang-gliding licence and also has a para-motor.

in the past, over the years

he has flown in a helicopter, a glider and had a 'lesson' in a small plane

but this was spectacular

a 1941 Tiger Moth

half an hour in an open cockpit

the smile on his face was worth every penny

he couldn't what to tell his 91 year old father who had flown in ww2

{and is currently very unwell in hospital}

the boys had a wonderful day

and

so did I

♥

a strange day

2012-02-05T20:20:00.002+10:00

today is sunday

i feel unsettled and strange today

my anxiety is worse than it's been for a long time

i'm kind of getting to the point where if geoffrey leaves me to go out of my sight i get all freaked out

it's totally irrational

we both know that

he's patient with me

but i hate feeling this way

nothing in my life has changed except that matt has come back

he's a little like living with a live volcano

you never know when the eruption will happen

it's like tippy toeing across egg shells all the time

if Geoffrey is with me Matt tends to back down

it sucks feeling irrational feelings

it's not me

and

i don't like it

this little light of mine

2012-02-03T20:50:00.002+10:00

is having a hard time settling in at school.

You see, last year at kindy he was bullied quite intensely by one young boy.

Hamish was not this boys only target but he was his main one.

my little man is a gentle soul who loves flowers, nature stuff .... like big leaves and finding birds nests..... he likes building things and being included.

he loves quiet times but loves to dance to P!NK

{well who on this great green earth doesn't?}

Anyway, come the first day of school who should walk in and promptly sit down right next to Hamish but his nemesis.

He was crushed.

{emotionally}

This little boy has so far, slapped others on the back, given chinese burns, kicked, stolen Hamish's new coloured textas & pencils, he's damaged Hamish's new stationary.

Hamish hates this.

But the worst thing he's done so far I think is pull down another little boys shorts and underpants in the playground.

we've had screaming tears of 'please don't make me go to school........' like for hours and hours, morning, evenings and weekends

I have spoken to the teacher three times in eight days, I know I am not the only mother to do so. It's tough because we don't want to intensify the bullying but it cannot go on.

Hamish has told me that the boy in question has had to stand in the front of the class to apologise for 'being mean'....... that he has to sit on the deck separated from the others during play time when he does 'mean stuff'.....

then Hamish told us tonight during dinner that something else happened today so the teacher asked Hamish, who is FIVE, to go to the office to tell the Principal of the school.

Hamish says he did.

I'm finding it all a little hard to believe? Would a teacher of five year olds send one little boy down to the office to speak directly to the Principal? I'm going in, again, on Monday to ask...... this is not ok......

I approached his old kindy yesterday to follow up what had happened regarding the bullying from last year.

The staff has changed a fair bit but from what I could gather.....

NOTHING happened.

They promised me & my little boy the moon and NOTHING

was done.

breaks my heart

in this day and age

"zero tolerance" etc is spruiked all over the place yet when push literally comes to shove no-one does a flipping thing to support the nice children who are being bullied.

I know for sure if my child was being a bully I would want to know why so we could sort it out because bullying is never ok.

peace out

saturday afternoon

2012-01-31T20:29:00.000+10:00

so the wind has been howling

and

the rain has been pouring

it's been relentless

and then

Saturday

there was a break

still windy

hence the sea foam

but we took the dog and our four smallest boys plus a friend

to the local doggie beach

and

just let them all go wild

like the weather

do you think it's quite funny that the girls in the photo are standing still looking at the camera just hang a photo taken

and

the boys are just being boys?

yeah

I find that funny. I'm like that :|

sweet dreams

2012-01-30T20:21:00.000+10:00

you gotta wonder why on Earth sometimes

{like every morning}

Hamish wakes up tired & cranky?

it doesn't look at all comfortable does it?

and

after we go in to check on them all before we go to bed ourselves

and

we replace him almost every night

we wonder what other positions he gets himself into when we aren't there to see

sweet boy

♥

angus

2012-01-29T20:16:00.000+10:00

Angus helped me make a chocolate pavlova for Australia day......

he was so helpful :|

Golden Retrievers + Water

2012-01-28T20:08:00.002+10:00

Golden Retrievers + Water = a dog that knows no rules about personal space

she displays this by barrelling over all twins who have just turned three

causing them to get soaking wet in the cute creek that runs into the ocean

plus endearing herself to other dog walkers with more mature manners!

I think this photo is hysterical..... it's like she's playing submarines!

you may not want to know this....

2012-01-25T18:40:00.000+10:00

but after eating this birthday cake

my littlest children pooped green for days

*you're welcome*

beach moments

2012-01-24T05:54:00.000+10:00

I never

ever

get tired of the wonder of the beach

and neither does my family

we can literally be there for hours

each

and

every weekend

♥

their cake

2012-01-24T04:57:00.001+10:00

so sweet

they share it all so far

they blew out the candles together

{there was quite a bit of spit}

they cut their cake together

and then we ate the whole thing

together

want vs need

2012-01-23T21:01:00.001+10:00

I need to lose 44 lbs.... 20 kilograms.

pronto

I want to eat chocolate and not exercise.

it won't work out well then will it?

haha

things you heard me say today

2012-01-23T10:01:00.000+10:00

seriously how can those scales not have budged one pound?

get that battery out of your jelly

no, you cannot pull the 'dead' carrots, we only planted them a week ago and they need time to grow

please don't pat the dog too much inside, I've already vacuumed twice today

it's rice for dinner so we are eating outside

sure swimming is a great alternative to a bath

no, you do not have to go to sleep at all tonight, in fact let's see if you really can stay up all night, just do it in your bed

I'm in the laundry.......

I'm in the kitchen.......

I'm just going to the bathroom...... {for a minutes peace}

boys, I can't blow your nose, my hands are busy... get a tissue and do it yourself

would you like to re-phrase that?

thankyou

please

{this picture is one I love.... holding one twin neatly on a knee while the other climbs up my inner leg... cool}

growing mens feet

2012-01-23T04:27:00.000+10:00

See the big kid?

Yep, the one riding his baby baby brothers skateboard around our living room?

I can recall when he was about 10, him showing me his feet and saying

"Mum, I'm growing men's feet"

I think he's got them

school

2012-01-22T16:38:00.001+10:00

This little bundle of 9lb 13 oz baby boy of mine

starts school tomorrow

he is ready

GO HAMISH!

it's just love

2012-01-22T06:46:00.000+10:00

mixed with a little tension

a little frustration

held together by the

strength of our bond

two three year olds can be a whole mountain of attitude

a whole lot of talking

shouting

disobeying

temprementalness

{is that even a word?}

but the specialness every single day

just wipes the slate clean over & over

during the day

I quite simply adore both these little men

such sweet souls

who clobber each other too often for my liking

who cuddle each other more than I had dreamed of

who seek each other out more than I can understand

who enjoy each others company in a way that twins can only know

this has been such a joy

in between moments of overwhelm

are the endless smiles, giggles and hugs

♥♥

my boys

macarons

2012-01-21T07:44:00.000+10:00

i made my very first batch the other day

*yum*

beaches

2012-01-20T07:20:00.000+10:00

i think the love of beaches is perhaps the most long lasting love of my life

i feel immediate peace

ease

comfort

when the sea air hits my face

there is sand between my toes

I will never live far from the edge of the country

where land meets ocean

I can gaze at the horizon

imagine

"if I dived in & started swimming I wonder where exactly I might stop?"

these are all taken on Noosa Main Beach

we are a Sunshine Beach family but recently shifted surf clubs just to change things around a little

so far it's working out just fine

*smile*

lets do it

2012-01-19T08:16:00.000+10:00

lets just meet here at five?

the only thing you heard me say at my house today

2012-01-18T16:13:00.002+10:00

STOP HITTING EACH OTHER

I swear there better be a damn good corner in heaven for this mother of five boys. it better have palm trees and coconuts mixed with lime and someone to pat me and tell me over & over 'every little thing, is gonna be alright'

PEACE be with me ...... and you too of course :)

nelly no mates

2012-01-18T09:08:00.000+10:00

on our recent day out to celebrate the twins third birthday i tried to do that wonderful motherly thing of photograph the day to remind myself of these happy times when i am ancient & cannot recall my own name

yeah well my six delights were happy enough to have their dorky photo taken all together

to appease their half screeching mother....

"come on.... it will look cute"

*insert as much eye rolling from the teens as you like*

and then I asked them to join me in a photo with them all

they ran a mile

all except Lachlan

{which kind of surprised me as he is going through a "seriously mum i hate you" phase}

the expression on my face says it all.... a bit "I'll try to smile, but wait all my children just bolted and I can't quite believe it! ragbags!!"

*sigh*

have these two found each other already?

2012-01-17T07:58:00.001+10:00

my sweet son Hamish has a delightful little friend

he met her at kindy

their eyes light up as they see one another

they move as one when they are in each others presence

everyone notices them

and their miraculous bond

everyone

we do

they do

her parents do

her brother does

our children do

my mother

and

all our friends

their kindy teachers

everyone

we all love their friendship and support it wholeheartedly

yet none of us are pushy about it

they go to school soon but are not in the same class

initially us mothers were disappointed but we can see now it will give them a chance to spread their tiny wings and establish other friendships

the point to my story is

her brother & her slept over at our house the other night

we set up beds for them to sleep on the floor in with Lachlan & Hamish

as story time came to a close SHE asked if it would be ok if her & Hamish slept in the same bed

we said that would be fine

thinking it would not last

they lasted the whole night and were just quietly pleased with the world as they awoke

I cannot help but wonder where this friendship will lead

they are just gorgeous together

♥

tennis

2012-01-16T08:24:00.000+10:00

our family loves tennis

my husband has played for about 40 years

i am attempting to learn

all the children play.....all nine of them

well the twins think they can play!

the rest of them are pretty good

we had the {amazing} opportunity last week to attend the brisbane international competition at pat rafter arena

in brisbane

we sat in a corporate box, wined & dined all day

picked up & dropped off in a private car

so spoiled

so indulged

i have never done anything like that before

i found myself wanting to get inside to help with the clearing up

i am so unused to being catered too......

i made myself laugh

this was my husband... in seventh heaven

he loves tennis almost a little more than me i think

*wink*

we got to see serena williams play

{awesome}

and

samantha stosur

{ i am in awe of her physique}

geoffrey

wishing it was him out there on centre court

what a delightful day

Charley

2012-01-15T08:19:00.000+10:00

it's been rather warm this summer so far.....

Charley loves the paddling pool just as much as the children do

we have it on our deck

with a massive white umbrella over the top for shade

it has been perfection for us all

but mainly furry Charley who is experiencing her very first Queensland summer

Two x Three = Chaos!

2012-01-13T13:52:00.000+10:00

January 14 2009

my tummy will never look like this ever ever again

nor will I look so

pale

nor

as naive

this emotion is in response to two resuscitation beds for newborns being brought into my labour room

it was the very first time I had allowed myself to think that something may go wrong at their birth.

I was scared to death right now

Thinking should I have not been so stubborn and just opted for a c-section?

{glad I didn't but it's what I was thinking right now}

this is me contracting

early into it I progressed quickly and was doubled over

{as best as a twin mummy in labour can double over}

in pain after about two more contractions

I am a speedy labourer!

Nothing too natural about a twin birth!

look at the gown, the iv's and my epidural tubing

all the lights

still I was in heaven at this point.

they were on their way

we had made it this far

and

I was full of hope

{minutes later I was having a very unwanted epidural and began to be a non participant in my own labour. They get you every time with "it's best for your baby".... in my case it was baby b... if it was necessary a crash c-section would be essential.

I'm glad I was grown up enough to listen to the good advice I was given on this day.

Out of six children and five deliveries this one was by far the best fun.

There seemed a real joy in the room, the staff were all so excited to be having some twins 'naturally' and of course Geoffrey & I were on cloud nine}

bless them

my two favourite twins ever

and here they are at three.... well almost!

Stirling is on the left & Angus, on the right

{with our neighbours dog, Minty}

Standing on their new body boards they got for Christmas

Charley enjoying the festivities in the background

Angus is in red and Stirling in blue

These two have

blessed our family

I quite simply adore them both

Happy Third Birthday my Angus & Stirling

peace

2012-01-12T15:45:00.003+10:00

sometimes all we want is a little peace

things you heard at my house today

2012-01-11T14:50:00.003+10:00

in no particular order

you do not need to use that much toilet paper for just a tiny wee

{and from my husband}

do we really need a full flush for a teaspoons worth of two year old wee? *smiling

yes, I can see how pulling up your underpants is so frustrating you feel the need to scream like your arm has been caught in a chopper. Ok, I also didn't really say that out loud but I have thought it about 200 times today :)

do you need ice on your face?

Painrelief? No?? Can I have your pain relief??

Should I ice that toe?

who will be here for dinner?

get off that poor dog!

I am getting a headache..... and I already have a toothache :(

How much longer are the school holidays?

What is the temperature? NO don't go outside it's too hot! Don't open that door, all the cool air will escape.

Sure, you can have hot chips for lunch.

I'm getting your lunch right now! Sure we can call it a snack and you can have 'lunch' later.

Man I could use a nap.... {oh wait... that's me just talking to myself!}

and this clanger..... from me about myself "I'm so glad I have that dental appointment tomorrow"...... {I absolutely am terrified of going to the dentist, but I broke a tooth about 10 days ago and just today it has started hurting!

Happy Wednesday :)

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T10:17:00.002+10:00

2012 is going to be amazing

I am loved by my husband

I have six wonderful children

we are lucky enough to live exactly where we want to

we have more than enough each & every day

my plans for this Happy New Year are to be honest with myself about what I need & what I want

I need to be peace filled

I need to shed some pounds

I need to take stock of my blessings

I need to love, hug & kiss each of my family members every single day

{I already do that but... well.... I need that}

I want to be peace filled

less anxious about my days

shed some pounds

get outdoors more

say 'yes' to more fun stuff

I am looking outward and forward

Happy Days for you & me I hope XXXX

oh and I am travelling the world a bit this year so brace yourselves I may just be coming to your corner of the globe

*GRIN*

2011 as it comes to me......

2011-12-24T14:10:00.004+10:00

I remember.....

smiles

laughter

rain

floods

steamy kitchens

smelly shoes

school books

decisions

tears

sinus problems

CT scans

learning to snort steroids

toenail polish

tear-filled phone calls

stress....

more stress than I could bare

beautiful puppies

hot wheels cars

internet friends

real life friends

invitations

joy

love

peace

HOPE

meals

sofas

plans

plants

lessons in life, love and letting go

lessons in freedom

lessons in acceptance

lessons in learning silence

feeling deceived

feeling ignored

feeling frustrated

being pleased

learning

cooking

laundry

changing nappies

being patient

packing lunches

finding tops to drink bottles

having headaches

having another failed ivf cycle

having all my frozen embryos die

thinking I might die too

losing my son to his father

thinking that could kill me too

losing my dog

thinking that might kill me

realising I am quite at issue with loss

I hate loss more than anything

I dream of good things and when they do not happen it kills me

understanding that it will not actually KILL me but it feels like it will

I would rather not feel these feelings....... haha

realising I cannot 'do it all'...

brownies

chocolate

coffee

planning for

Paris

New York

London

a weekend away

turning another year older

feeling lucky

being really happy about where I live

learning not to feel intimidated so easily

learning

reading

watching movies

listening to music

seeing Kings of Leon

seeing who else? I can't even remember......

hugging my daughter

being proud

feeling satisfied

being happy feeling at peace

I LOVE my husband

I still miss my best friend each & every single single day.... I do not cry now when I see her husband driving her car around town. But I do cry when I see her daughter perform in the school band and receive awards for academic achievement. Her mother should be sitting next to me like we always did, her mother should still be with us. But especially with her daughter.

I'm learning to accept my boys rambunctiousness..... I find it very hard with five sons. having never had a Dad, brothers, uncles or cousins..... I have no idea about boys and blokes and how they think, act & talk. They are weird and it's strange and some days my husband has NO tolerance when I tell him I struggle with it. But if he had grown up with no Mother, sisters, Aunts or cousins and had five daughters I wonder how he would be??? I'm learning but I have my moments when they are just a strange other species I do not understand.

I am learning to have a tougher skin.

this year has been a tough one. Loss still seems to be an over riding theme for me. The loss of my last embryos was a loss I grieved in absolute silence. We tried, I tried for more than nine months to get pregnant and one hour before our scheduled transfer time the phone call came not to bother coming in, that all five had ceased dividing. We decided to go anyway and after many tears and much discussion we decided to go for the miracle. Two 'less' dead embryos were put in but to no avail...... my six children are my six. I am thankful for the children I have an the chances I've had to expand my family. I was not done and funnily enough neither was my husband. Just last weekend a friend had a new baby girl, sweet little thing. I was first to ask for a cuddle and my husband was keen too... our other friends thought this amusing but we and only we knew why we were so enamoured with this little girl. If our cycle had worked it would have been us snuggling our own baby at that exact time. *sigh

2011 has been a hard year for me. 2012 is shaping up to be an awesome year with great travel plans, good health looming and great schools and teachers for all. A more settled year is what we are after.

Happy Days

Castaway Island

2011-12-09T15:15:00.002+10:00

this was the view from here

it was

G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S.

it could not have come at a better time

we are tanned

happy to have been in each others company

thrilled to have been given an opportunity to show our children a culture vastly different to our own

*trying to maintain some sense of fun, peace & laughter in each day*

google it

then book

it comes highly recommended

I promise you will love it

I did, we did, so much that after 48 hours I had booked for us to return January of 2013

*smile*

Seven

2011-11-21T08:47:00.000+10:00

it is not lost on me how lucky I got seven years ago

i had my third child

my second son

my first ivf baby

i worked hard in every way to have this young man

he's so smart

top of his class

a great runner

showing strength in surfing

likes to try new things

is not shy

is generally happy

quick to learn

too quick

a great older brother

a great younger brother

a lovely sweet emotional child

I love him so very much

my Lachie

Happy Seventh Birthday

*LOVE*

ready

2011-11-20T20:36:00.002+10:00

I'm ready to embrace the positive

ready to be shown the good in the world

ready for it not to be such hard work

ready to be thrown a frickin' bone

ready for a break

ready to catch my breath

I am ready to slow down

ready to stop

to be still

to be calm

to feel at peace

to feel relaxed

free from burdens

to feel warmth on my skin

salt drying on my body

ready to feel rested

and

happy

we are off to Fiji on Wednesday

and

quite seriously

WE NEED A BREAK......

really badly

wish me luck that someone is

kind to my family

and

gives us an easy flight

warm pleasant weather

and

no illness

please?

devastation

2011-11-20T20:30:00.001+10:00

words cannot express my grief

i had 15 years of love planned

years of walks

years of quiet words

years of petting her silky soft coat

years of smiles

and

years of that contented feeling I have never known before because i had exactly what I had wanted for more than 20 years

my Lilou is gone

and I am devastated to say the very very least

the grass was not greener

2011-11-16T20:19:00.002+10:00

Matt comes home on Saturday

It has nearly killed me, this last year

He needed to go

because he needed to grow

he needed to get to know his father

He started asking in July if he could come home

Hysterical calls have been something I am getting good at handling

but Saturday is the day

he's packing boxes

he's enrolled at a new school here

I am happy but apprehensive about our journey ahead

I love my son

but I'm scared of what he's capable of.

Lord, give me strength.

Show me how to handle myself and help him grow into a man

I want him alive and healthy

I want him to finish school

I want him to be full of self worth

I want him to like who he is

I want his brothers to admire him

his grandparents to enjoy his company

and for me & my husband to enjoy him being here

that sound you may hear around 2pm Saturday is going to be me breathing out for the first time since January.

this is massive

20 hours

2011-11-01T15:12:00.002+10:00

over the weekend i spent about 20 hours in Sydney

my hometown

i miss it

i love where i live

but i miss the city

{the opera house}

{the harbour bridge}

{but most of all the city}

buildings

people

shops

opportunities

exhibitions

restaurants

and then i come home to my gorgeous beachside town that

heaves with fine restaurants

heaves with fine children

heaves with sunny weather

and

heaves with beaches and salt in the air

and less people

and less cars

and does not smell

and there is no overflowing rubbish

and little road rage

and driving is easy

and finding a parking spot is easy

and i love it here too

guess i like wherever i might be

♥

Monday...

2011-10-03T20:31:00.002+10:00

I feel a little better..... but only a little

I am so tired by dinner/bath/bedtime....

That I am snippy and desperate for them to be in bed

They are being short changed of an evening by their tired Mummy....

I'm great during the day

I have plenty of patience, plenty of love & hugs & affection & everything else I need....

but the end of the evening is hurting..... I am being my own best friend right now.

I'm telling my husband and older children about how I feel and ask for their help.

I am putting myself to bed.

Taking time to exercise

Making sure I eat well.

{I actually threw out some lollies that I was eating too many of}

I'm stopping and holding my children

Big & small

I am being on the beach, close to the ocean I love.

Praying for peace & direction.

Listening to friends.

Listening to my heart.

Being quiet.

So, even though I am not being perfect in my mothering I am proud of how I can see I need me and I am looking after me.....

They need me to be not just ok but great

feelings.....

2011-10-02T20:30:00.001+10:00

this is my beautiful beach

with each passing year I love it more

♥

I am feeling strange tonight

kinda moody

very tired

headachy

heavy

a bit sad

and I don't know why

so I am taking an early night

climbing into bed and resting

because sometimes I can't figure out my feelings

I think I just need some more sleep.....

my children

2011-09-29T14:44:00.002+10:00

we had a photo shoot today on the beach just near where we live.

it was a grey, cloud filled day but the photographer {who is a friend of mine} did a great job

these are not his work, obviously, they were snapped by me on my phone

his will have a few more pixels.... but I digress....

I look at these children and cannot believe how lucky I am to have them

all six of them are with me now and I just love it

until you have had a child leave your home you cannot even imagine how bizarre it feels to have one gone

I have changed

so much in the last nine months

I know what I want

I stand up for myself

I am less easily intimidated

I am more "Me" than I have been .....ever

I am "single parenting" right now as Geoffrey is having a well earned fishing trip with his older brother. They adore each other and deserve to have that time, where it is just them... the brothers.

It's school holidays for us here and that means children with time on their hands.

Which of course means children who get "bored" easily if they do not have appropriate direction from me..... we are doing great

My two oldest children are enjoying each others company

They have found that balance of doing things together and apart.

it's working pretty well.

They even held hands for this photo... but they didn't just stand there..... there were many quips back & forth and some play fighting as well..... keeping the twins in check down the end of the line was too tricky... we did not last long like this.

But goodness me... what mother would not smile at a photo like this.

My daughter is ready to fly the coop. I know that I will not have her with me much longer.

It makes my heart heavy as I cannot fathom how much I will miss her daily presence but my heart also sings for she is such an amazing young lady. She has so much to look forward to and who am I to stop her?

I must encourage her to spread her very capable wings and be gone...... and be happy with how much she comes home. It will never be enough..... I know that already.

Matt was so funny down on the beach. I had forgotten he makes me laugh until I cry. I cannot write it so you understand just how I felt. Light, Happy, Calm, Delighted. I miss him.

Even though that looks like a nice sized family..... my heart cries that there will be no more. I honestly would have given anything for more children.

I'm happy with my brood...... what a nice morning we had

inspiration

2011-09-27T19:28:00.000+10:00

this is me with my younger sister the other day.. like Friday

she is inspiring me right now

most of our lives we sisters have gone up & down with our weight

we never stay the same

ever

especially after having children

I've had six from five pregnancies and she has had five children {four of whom are still living} from about eight pregnancies

she recently split from her partner

and lost 20 + kilos {44 pounds}

she's now wearing size 10 jeans {a size 6}

I always remember Julia Roberts was a 6 in Pretty Woman :)

anyway

she fits in her walks when she does not have her children

they share care so she has them 50% of the time

BUT

she eats SO well

I've watched her

the amount

her choices

I'm inspired

not jealous

just keen to see myself catch her up

for me

I want me back

it's time

triplets

2011-09-26T19:22:00.002+10:00

my husband took these photos the other day

we have reached that point with Hamish, Angus & Stirling where we get asked a lot if they are triplets.....

it's funny because they really do look quite similar.

and they like a lot of the same things.....

*like watching movies in my bed*

days like these

2011-09-21T22:21:00.003+10:00

Angus with the spade

throwing water up high

screeching to his bestest brother

YOU

RAIN?

I thought Stirling looked less than impressed

Days like today make my heart sing..... although my heart is heavy

I know these days are fleeting and that I should be grateful for all I have.

It gets lost on me too much how very blessed I am.

It's a day like today when an old friend has died from a ferocious illness that I stop.

I sit quietly in the dark staring at photos of him from the internet.

A boy grown into a family man taken too soon.

It makes me stop and

count

blessings

Gavin RIP

my oh my... the months fly by.....

2011-09-14T20:13:00.006+10:00

my days are so full

my heart is too

I got this picture {below} today from Hamish

it's a picture of our family

but Matt is not in it

Hamish says it's because "it's just of the people that live in our house"

Matt is "not in his family anymore"

Sad.

Hamish made me this picture because as he says

"I know you love our family so much, I drew us for you"

it's on the wall in my bedroom

♥

loving my {it has a new spot} scatter cushion

it's normally on my bed

between me & my man....

my new {very old} chest of drawers

I have kept my eyes open for something just like this

it has taken me years to find....

I love it

I am just fascinated by my love of this photo

Morgan aged 13.5 months meeting her sweet baby brother for the first time

she was so excited to meet him but then so perplexed as we placed this moving wriggly warm body across her lap

it was like she had no idea what 'it' was

I have always slept with this photo in my line of vision

I love it like no other photo

it has always been in this frame

I've put some summery scarves out for easy access

packed away the heavy wintery ones

yay

have placed my blue as blue jewellery from Greece so I can

see it, touch it, feel it, remember being there

of course

wear it

I've made myself a little reading nook

it's so divine here

I bought this basket just the other day

not knowing quite where it would end up

I placed it on top of the cane chest while I contemplated a few furniture tweaks

and there it has stayed

with our summery, light weight blankets folded neatly inside

can you see a tiny birds nest?

I should have photographed that

I will try to tomorrow

Hamish found it on a walk.

In my favourite shop they were selling sweet baby birds {fake ones} for $4.95 ... he came in there with me about a month ago and was enamoured with them..... so it seemed pretty obvious to me that I needed to get him a little baby bird for his too sweet nest.

He loves it.

So do the twins :|

I ♥ the handle

I've adorned my home with flowers

candles

we've put the cots away *sniff {huge huge sniff}

and the twins are in beds their Daddy made for their brothers

with cheap {like $10 for the doona cover & two pillowcases} but fresh as SPRING Ikea bedlinen

Their room..... they were so proud

We celebrated Father's Day

with a new pair of sunglasses for Daddy from Mummy because Mummy couldn't stand the revolting old fishing glasses anymore......

Hamish is always busy building things and asking me to take photos of said things to send them to Dad.

Hamish has great vision regarding construction

We've been getting used to owning two.big.dogs

the twins did this to some Duplo puppies they have

they are the dogs puppy leads.... we have gone up in size with everything

of course just loving the daily grind of life

laundry

cleaning

shopping

cooking

baking

walking

cuddling

snuggling

talking

reading

crying

laughing

.................you know the drill

Peace out XX

Lilou & Charley

2011-08-01T19:23:00.000+10:00

meet our puppies..... if you are not friends with me on Facebook... and if you read here you really should be by now ;)

you may not know two knew loves have joined us....

after a number of months we decided our family was really ready for new dogs

we have always had two dogs at a time

anyway

we quite like things that come in pairs

for a little extra work you get whole lot more love and fun.......

they are like two baby polar bears right now

we are all smitten

♥♥

time for mum

2011-08-01T07:50:00.000+10:00

what on earth is that?

I have struggled over the sixteen years I have been a mother with the 'balancing' act

I've given work away as I just could not feel like I did a good enough job at home when I was juggling shift work and mainly nights with my small, young family.

As I have had child after child after child after child I simply have not got space in my head or heart for anything but being an at home, on duty mother.

It's what I want and it's available for me to do thanks to my hard working and 'on board' husband.

How.ever. It's exhausting me.

I am available all.the.time. and I should be but it's eating me alive.

Having my son Matt leave my home to go live with his dad has almost broken me. Almost broken my strong, tough spirit. I have found myself struggling with all aspects of his move... but the hardest has been in this last month when he has called me from Italy, hysterically in tears saying how much he regrets his decision and how he desperately wants to come home. I have suffered every stress related illness you can think of. I'm being eaten alive by it.

So, after sitting quietly with my lovely husband and crying sadly in his lap I decided that the time has come for me to take some time for me.

I have started to play tennis, I never learned as a child. I have never played a game. I don't know how to hold the racquet. But I'm brave and willing to learn. I've played four times now. Coach & play sessions. Two hours of going flat out. AWESOME fun. I can't tell you.

I have also had a massage each week. Just because. I need to relax I need to slow down and I need to take charge. I'm trying to stay on top of my home. It gets dirty and busy, especially since we added the puppies! But I'm managing now.

I asked Geoffrey to allow me some grace for a month just to see if I felt better in myself. Not in a "I'm sad and miserable" way but in a "I don't feel like being a mum today" way..... that's not how I pictured how I would be as a mother... so now that I've been like that very recently, I want to change it. I need to nip this in the bud before .... I don't know.....

Looking after me and taking a bit more time for stuff that makes me smile, feel fit, feel healthy is really, really important. I've been one of those wives that always says to her husband "yes, go, have fun, I'll stay home and mind the children...." and my husband has had a great time. He's very sporty while I am naturally not. But I'm changing that and lo & behold he's fine with that. Bless him! and me for finally realising I can ask for what I need and he will enable it :)

I'm enjoying it.... which is really the whole point isn't it? *smile

his cake

2011-07-31T19:31:00.004+10:00

I love baking

I simply love it

I relax

I think less

breathe more

it's joyful

the highlight of my year

I'm blessed with a big family that I get to bake

over & over & over

I love to create an exciting birthday cake for each of my family members

This year Morgan really wanted to help me, which was lovely.

Like any mother I hope my daughter inherits a love of baking like I have.

She is so patient with her young brothers but she's strict too... they had to do it properly :)

Hamish, our July birthday boy had the most fun placing the smarties all over

this process actually took a long time.

This is the end product

and this is it after it had been smashed

you see it was a pinata cake

a decadent chocolate cake with chocolate frosting all over, lollies everywhere then covered with that large chocolate shell....

Hamish smashed it with a toy hammer to reveal the cake beneath

I cannot tell you the ohhhs and ahhhs

Hamish was so pleased

cake bliss

a decade

2011-07-31T19:09:00.002+10:00

a decade has come and gone in my life

a decade of lovely highs and awful lows

mainly good times

but some gut wrenchingly tough times too

some times where I have just shaken my head and wished the ground would swallow me up

but this man I picked, he stands beside me, day in, day out

he is patient with me

he laughs with me, holds me while I cry

sometimes cries with me

loves me

loves my children

works hard to be the man of my dreams

I appreciate him more than he knows

probably more than I know

he once asked me many many years ago why I fought so hard to stop him from loving me he said "just trust me, let me love you".... that has been a very difficult thing for me to do and I am still working at it every single day

trust and accepting that he just loves me all the time.

for a girl like me, who grew up as I did these are sad, hard lessons that only men like mine can teach you

I am lucky and happy

blessings to my family but mainly to the man at the helm to holds me strong and steady

{Morgan was six and Matt was five}

Hamish

2011-07-03T22:44:00.002+10:00

tomorrow this sweet sweet child of mine turns

FIVE

goodness me

I can recall his birth like it was just days ago

instead of years

slow to start

then wham

all over in 50 minutes

I can recall having those first few quiet words with him straight after he arrived

I remember being all breathy in his ear

quietly whispering about how my heart just sang and I knew he and I would be close because he seemed different to my previous three children

he is

he's got that X factor

everyone loves this boy

everyone

people swoon

seriously

I swoon most definitely

but others do too

they did when he was a brand new baby

I had strangers stop me in the street and they would absolutely goo & gaa over him

{that happened when I had Morgan but she had an awful lot of hair}

he is just a completely likeable child

and we love him

I love him so much my heart smiles when he comes through the door

he always says to me "you look nice today Mummy" and he notices and comments if you do something a little different like pop a flower in your hair.... or a ribbon. You'll hear from the back seat of the car and I mean the way in the back, third row seats "mummy I like your flower"

I never ever sigh and think "Man he might be tricky on this outing" or "he won't like this for dinner" or "does he like these muffins".....

he's always so grateful

always so calm about the word "no"...

so ok with any explanation

he's not perfect

but for a little boy who is learning how to be

I think he is a shining example of sweetness and light

now if my four other sons could take a leaf from Hamish's book...

well then I would be set

none of Hamish's sweetness is my doing

he's like Morgan

just sweet

always has been

always will be

now

if he could just go to sleep well........................................

Saturday walking

2011-07-02T20:21:00.002+10:00

today we walked.... and walked ..... and walked

it was hours and hours through our closest National Park

it's quite simply the most gorgeous place

a million tracks winding through it but most take the coast track..... the view North is stunning.

World Class.....

seriously

today was windy

wind form the South

so we were protected for most of our walk but come the headland

we got blown away

we had a bloody lip ... poor Stirling took a tumble and put his tooth through his lip

and then Lachlan tripped and stubbed his toe quite badly

he has a flap hanging off the end of his toe

apart from that

all good

sunshine

great moods

happy feet

nice chit chat

just nice

a walking Saturday

gosh

2011-07-01T15:14:00.000+10:00

can we even remember them being so small?

gosh I thought I was busy back then :|

new additions

2011-06-30T15:08:00.003+10:00

puppies it is.....

meet Charley at the top and Lilou on the bottom

because we have loved the chaos that doubles bring into our lives we now cannot imagine having just one dog

we have done litter sisters before and it's lovely

so they will come home to us in 2 weeks... July 16th

yay

double the love all over again

♥♥

I'm linking this to Sarah's

Good Life Wednesday

@ abeachcottage

Mykonos

2011-06-24T21:06:00.000+10:00

♥

I should have been Greek

Italian

mainly because of the food

*sigh

apps

2011-06-23T21:02:00.000+10:00

I was completely playing around with my phone the other night

because the tv bores me senseless

Diptic.... try it.... :)

Paris

♥

an average walk

2011-06-22T21:15:00.004+10:00

an average walk for us means

a gorgeous day

blue skies

light winds

{this is a little flotsam & jetsam house someone built

it was just gorgeous.

the little plaque says HOME

my boys all loved it

we had to add another vine}

a snack

{this is Stirling saying "cheese" with his mouth full.... sorry ;)}

Lachlan....... who springs about over the rocks like a mountain goat

it still terrifies me but he is quite a capable mountain goat

he needs to learn some fear though

he may learn it the hard way.....

{it's hard being a mother to loads of boys}

Morgan taking charge of some of our snacks.... mainly so she was controling how much she could eat.

Teenagers are hungry all the time... food is very important

as is sleep :|

Stirling perched on top of the rocks but deciding he's not comfortable

{Geoffrey is right near his toes}

most of my family

sitting still for a split second so I can get a photo of them all :)

Hamish

sitting quietly

enjoying the scenery

the snacks

him

watching over us all

breathing

smiling

{because this is quite simply one of my favourite things in the whole wide world}

all taken on my phone

we just love our beach

our average walks

Venezia

2011-06-22T21:10:00.002+10:00

Could our beds have been any closer together? haha

The photo of the Rialto Bridge was taken from my bedroom window....

....sweet....

I've tried

2011-06-22T20:38:00.002+10:00

I've tried to love them

I know I have

I bought these beauties from our farmer's market on Sunday

I roasted them and made a really fresh looking salad....

{with orange and goats cheese}

It looked gorgeous

but

tasted really awful

I hate beetroot

I always have

I never get it on a burger

I tried.... but I still hate them :(

Morgan......today...

2011-06-14T19:09:00.004+10:00

I want to remember how my children are today..... simply because the days go by so fast

Morgan..... is studying for exams, she has maths tomorrow, english the following day.

She is tall, graceful, pleasant & pleasing. Not all that talkative. Becoming critical if my husband & I quarrel. Very patient with the four small boys, very helpful if she is asked. Misses her brother Matthew terribly but will not admit it. Eats plenty. Super slim.... great legs that go on forever.

Has a belly button ring and ear piercings. Three in one ear, four in the other. {Yes, she copied me *cringe...... I can see why my mother cringed when it's how I came home as a teen. It does not look all that elegant. I am allowing her to express herself without allowing her to do any permanent damage... apart from a few small holes.}

She is on facebook but I think she prefers Tumblr. She really loves to find beautiful images and share them. I really like and admire her taste.

Her room is gorgeous. It's all monochrome. Audrey Hepburn graces her walls as does the Eiffel Tower. She has four masks we bought in Venice above her bed and a black & white Mickey Mouse clock next to her bed.

She plays tennis well and has a responsible part time job at our local courts. She is well liked by her peers and was nominated to be school captain. She is a straight A student. As it stands today she still wants to move back to Sydney and study Architecture.

I am just completely in love with her. She's funny and annoying but only in an endearing way. I look forward to her coming home each day and while I dread the day she leaves home to launch her own life... I'm looking forward to seeing how she chooses to live.

I know I will be proud of her choices.

But I will miss her in my daily life, I will miss her like crazy..... my only daughter.

I'm so blessed. :)

my mother's birthday

2011-06-11T11:23:00.000+10:00

It was my mother's birthday last Tuesday

She's a sweet woman who drives me batty but I adore her all the same

She's really changed and helps me now with the twins

{she takes them two mornings a week for about two hours}

it's lovely for her and, of course, it is lovely for me

she always does tea parties

music days

cooking days

all the things I think Grandmothers should get up to

{plus she totally spoils them with ice creams}

here they are having their first turn at holding sparklers

they kept saying 'too hot'.... and were scared but once we showed them what to do they used up about 20!

rolling pins

2011-06-10T11:13:00.000+10:00

I had an urge to make scones the other day

Then halfway through the process I discovered I no longer had a rolling pin

{I used a bottle}

The scones were a failure.... rock cakes!

So my husband took pity on me & turned me a new one

it's made from a Juniper tree that was up the road at our beach shack

he cut the tree down as it was dangerously close to the house

and when he did it he was so excited as he knew he would have a beautiful wood that he could now turn

it's a bright purple colour {it looks like it's been dipped in beetroot juice}

and smells divine

now if only we had kept the tree I could have learned how to make my own gin *wink

a new skill

2011-06-09T10:22:00.002+10:00

well, I shall give it a jolly good go.....

say hello to my slow cooker

I have always slow cooked

I just use my le creuset french blue pot on the stove top....

I'm salivating just watching it gently simmer away

winter is just awesome

what a day....

2011-06-06T18:41:00.002+10:00

so you want to criticise me???

yeah, you & everyone else who seems to have crossed my path lately.

I got a scathing comment on facebook from a girl I went to school with but would not know if I banged into her. We all 'friended' each other last year after our reunion, but she had not gone. She said that she was sick of how much I went on about how I enjoyed where I live, about how she felt I have so many children & gloat about it but never spend any time with them..... and that I should stay at home with my family more...... {hah... how wrong she is!} {{I might need to work on being much unhappier and far more negative *wink}}

BUT it was written in such an offensive manner that when my husband read it, he suggested I tell her to 'F' off and delete her..... seriously. I wrote back politely enquiring as to how my awfully mundane facebooking rubbed her the wrong way.... my daughter read it & just asked me if the woman was drunk. The comment has been deleted, I assume by her...... but still. It upset me to think my {boring} facebook posts could be interpreted so...... I do like where I live and I am proud of my family... :)

I showed a picture to a {good} girlfriend of mine today of a table that Matthew has made in Design & Technology at his school. I was saying how I thought it was really good & that I was proud of how he seems to be really enjoying his new school & change in life circumstances. She took it upon herself to suggest that if Matthew had been given stricter boundaries by us he may have been more successful under my roof. She added that we had let him get away with far too much. I almost cried. I have a very clear conscience about how we handled my son. I know how hard we worked. I did everything I could...... my friend's comment made me think how little she understood the situation.....

Then at tennis I lost Stirling...... it's fenced completely bar the entrance gate. I was "herding the cats".... my four small boys..... from all ends of the complex and then Angus took an interest in a plane flying overhead. As I looked up at it and admired it with him {for about 15 seconds} I lost sight of Stirling. My girlfriend jumped up & headed in one direction and I headed off quickly to the gate..... by which time a lady came in demanding to know if I'd lost a small child in a red shirt. I said yes and thankyou and that I was looking for him. She proceeded to talk to me as though I was just an utterly incompetent mother and that the fact that he had evaded me was just 100% unacceptable. I agree, it is completely unacceptable.... but I was racing around looking for him. I knew he could not have gotten far. I was doing the best that I could given my circumstances.... ie still keeping my other three within my sights. I responded graciously and thanked her again for checking on him....... and for trying to locate his misplaced mother. {I have a very good 'handholding' thing that works great with them all, I just needed them all close together}...... {and btw... she had actually left him in the car park... still unattended, to tick me off... I might have tried to coax him back inside the gate if it had been me} just sayin

I felt frazzled and totally undone.

Then Hamish was crying at me that he wanted his little friend from tennis to have a playdate {it was 4.30pm by this stage}, then Lachlan was moaning & moaning that he wanted all the jelly snakes I had brought {when I had brought four, enough for one each and no more and he knew that}..... I was just a little fed up. By the time we arrived home I was irritable and felt close to tears.... Morgan asked me what was wrong and then the tears fell and I t said "I'm just such a bad mother... everyone who speaks to me tells me how I'm getting it all wrong". She of course told me I do a great job and hugged me. She's such a good girl. I got to talk briefly to my husband who was still at work. He eventually arrived home and between him & Morgan they have talked me up again and pitched in to truly make our evening smooth sailing.

I feel better but I guess I have issues with taking things too personally...... when people are mean to me I get seriously wounded. I will never bounce back from what happened among my circle of twin mummy friends. I see comments by the people who chose to disown me and it still makes me sad {and mad}. I'm not good at letting things go, especially if the decisions/comments are based on lies or mis-information. That girl from school told me in no uncertain terms to spend more time with my family...... yet she knows nothing about me, my family & our situation apart from what I write on Facebook which is not indepth at all. She's passed judgement on me without knowing anything about me really... {hmm... a familiar theme}

so... today is the day.... get it out of your systems... criticise me as much as you want to..... because I'm going to learn how to NOT be hurt anymore. I am a strong woman who knows my own mind, I know my own heart and I know what's best for my family & me.... along with my dear husband too, of course.

this is not all the things that happened today... there was more, there is always more... but these were the things that led to my tears.... hmph. enough now.

Bless you my friends......

a new skill

2011-06-06T15:54:00.001+10:00

well sort of...

they still have not much of a clue but they look cute as buttons

my mother bought small bikes for her grandchildren

my younger sister & I are the ones who have small ones

this is my twins having a turn on the bikes in her driveway

{I spoke to her about helmets ;)}

{shoes ;)}

milestones

2011-06-05T20:49:00.002+10:00

my father-in-law turned 90 a week ago

he's amazingly healthy

100% on the ball

loves his family

is proud of his role in the world war 2

cherishes his wartime buddies

lifelong friends

my husband's three children from his first marriage came to stay and it was wonderful

Matthew couldn't come home as that day was his birthday too

and I couldn't insist he leave his new home just for me.....

so we had eight of our nine with us

it was just lovely

we ate

drank

talked

laughed

played tennis

flew in micro-lights above our town

cooked

walked

sat around drinking cups of tea

it was lovely

{my father-in-law is currently in intensive care at a hospital in Sydney. He has pneumonia. He has avoided being ventilated by the skin of his teeth, he did have CPAP for a night. He should recover fully..... when we get to actually speak to him my husband will tell him the story of how our twins looked at the batch of photos we took at the party..... and they both pointed and announced "Grandpa"..... he'd love that. He came here when I was on my trip a year ago and his job was to take them for a walk in the pram each day... that was what he wanted to do..... can you even picture that? How cute}

who do you learn bloke things from??

2011-06-05T15:52:00.000+10:00

In my house you learn them from daddy

who is a complete 100% bloke

a man & his shed..... women daren't enter... or linger... but the boys love it

New York

2011-06-04T15:49:00.000+10:00

ahhhh... the big apple

she calls to me when I slumber

I crave the bustling streets

the smells

the lights

the peace I feel when I am there

she calls my name

I will come one day

again

anyone love NYC as much as me????

the sun shines

2011-06-03T15:27:00.002+10:00

and I'm spending an awful lot of time outside in it :)

I can't help but be drawn out on days like these

stuff the {endless} chores

they get done

but at breakneck pace and then I am out that door

walking

having coffee with friends

chilling

it's just lovely

who doesn't love winter sunshine?

{the photo is of the river mouth in my town I live on the beaches.... not the river}

groovy

2011-06-01T21:40:00.004+10:00

I'm feeling groovy.....

I've had some ups and some downs of late, but that's life really isn't it?

I've had to change the life path I wanted into being happy with the one I have.

It's a process and I am making some....

sometimes being grown up is just darn hard work isn't it?????

Yesterday.....we had a great afternoon at our local park with a whole bunch of school mum friends.

It was wonderful.

Then a gorgeous ruby cavalier king charles spaniel turned up and it was JUST like our Molly.

I patted this dog gently and enjoyed it immensely.

The bit that undid me was Angus..... he instantly recognised the dog and was chasing it all over the park for about an hour calling it 'Molly'..... he was giggling & smiling

like I haven't seen him do for ages.

He had brought his little plastic pull along behind you toy dog with him to the park.

Cute as.

He misses our dog.

Guess we might be looking at getting another dog for Christmas.....

{yay}

the BEST thing that has happened lately for me is that my friendships with other school mummies has really taken a turn for the best.

My son Lachie is in a great class and some of us mother's have 'clicked'.

We decided early on in the new school year to go out with each other to get to know one another better.

It's been great.

We now see each other several times a week......

my 'friends' are mainly from when my elder two children went to school..... and when Carine died and my whole world crashed around me.... I thought I'd never feel happy again. Honestly.

Dismal times indeed but now I can see the change in me and I like it.

I felt the same when Matt left.

That felt like my heart broke.

Like I would never, ever be the same woman again.

I would always be the mother who's son chose his father.

I'm ok.

He's thriving.

My little family here is getting ok with him not around each day.

We talk about him,

Talk to him.

We are learning to just be.

I'm impressed with us all to be honest.

This move, his move

has been the best thing for us all.

In my heart of hearts I wish it were different but this is how we play

Grown Ups....

we don't always get the life we pictured as a child

we can't always have the friendships we desire

we need to reset goals

I've done that

I am..... I'm getting there..... :)

and so I guess I'm feeling kinda groovy

what are they wearing?

2011-05-19T06:34:00.000+10:00

Angus & Stirling

are wearing

t-shirts from

Luna B Tees

they are great quality

quick production considering they are a personalised order

and I order from overseas

I'm always impressed at how quickly I get them

all of us have a t-shirt from this company

the twins especially

it helps others so very much for them to be able to make a fast visual reference about

who is who

our family & friends

want to be able to make our

crazy look exactly alike identical twins

have their own recognisable identity...

if that becomes easier because we pop on

a gorgeous t-shirt with their initial or their name

then so be it

I first saw these shirts on MckMama

a few years back

thought I'd give them a go

have never looked back

♥

Roses

2011-05-18T16:57:00.002+10:00

Sarah from abeachcottage hosts Good life Wednesdays

which I like to participate in

wednesdays seem to come around so darn fast these days I never ever have something planned to share

but today I was out alone & spoilt myself {& my daughter} with a nice bunch of roses each

that actually smell like roses

::divine::

great colours too

I did not go for the usual suspects of red, yellow or orange

the pics may not show the colours all that well

{my photography falls victim to my lack of time also.... I

snapped these as I cooked dinner.... master multi-tasker... dinner for seven, photography & uploading....

blast the light but I kinda like the effect anyway}

one bunch is a pale green petal with a vibrant pink lip

.....the other is an orange petal with a vibrant red lip.....

both stunning

and very happy to come home to my house

my bedroom now smells divine

as does Morgan's

how lovely life is when you have roses

I'm THAT mum....

2011-05-17T13:28:00.004+10:00

Melissa & Brittany did this post ....

and I'm joining in.....

..... who says 'No'.... and means it most of the time

.....who serves dinner by 5pm to everyone in our family because eating our evening meal around our dining table all together every night is just not negotiable.... babies included, even if they are in a bouncy chair :)

..... who tries hard each & every day to channel patience and kindness....

..... who wipes the slate clean every evening so that each day starts fresh....

..... tells my children many, many times a day that I love them, because I was not told that as a child and I want my children to know it... really know it, not just by my actions but from my words....

..... who allowed her son to go live with his dad even though I almost came undone during the process. I'm the mother who has learned that mothering is not about what's best for me & my child but about what's best for my child.

..... who let's her children dance like mad breakdancers in baby legs leggings, beanies & scarves to P!NK at great volume because they all think they can dance.

..... who let's her children climb way too high, way too young, way too often......

..... who will not apologise for my boys being boys

..... who no longer just smiles and says nothing when I get "Oh you poor thing, five sons... are you going to try for a girl?"..... nope not that mum anymore, I'm the other THAT mum. Yesterday I answered back, politely but firmly. "I have a daughter but what on earth is wrong with having five sons? My home is full to the brim of FUN. My boys are really good at FUN."

..... who lets the children pull all the cushions off our sofa to make a jumping castle because they love to do it

..... who will watch 'Transformers' & 'Despicable Me' over & over because they love it.....

..... who, during summer, often lets the children swim after dinner instead of a shower....

..... who washes hair & clips nails like a machine....

but can sometimes change a nappy like I've never done it before... total amateur!

..... who can laugh at her own mistakes.... and tell the children "I'm sorry" when I make a mistake with them.....

..... who would give anything to have more children despite all the negativity that gets thrown at our rather large brood. Some say nine children is too many.......... not us.

I'm THAT mum..... how about you?

a tidy room

2011-05-16T07:34:00.000+10:00

this is Hamish

this is his initial above his bed :)

this is his bed

this is his bookcase

all tidy :)

baskets for toysets

labelled :)

small boxes all neat & tidy

labelled now

as they can both read now

so now they can find exactly what toy they want

dinosaurs

:: a bucket or two of dinosaurs ::

I tidied {and cleaned} their room

I am thrilled

as it's so easy to keep neat

{I thrive on neat.... and clean}

we threw out an awful lot

straight to the local charity shop

it's true that less is more

they are happily playing with about a third of what they had last week

they are enjoying reading their books

because they can see them and get to them so easily.

happy children :: happy mummy :: happy room

I got all inspired to get their room how I really wanted it because I googled 'large families' and found a blog called Large Families on Purpose

and although they are a very religion driven family, I respect that, I loved her drive, her purpose. If you have a read you might see what I mean.

well worth it, honestly :):)

how does a mother say 'no'?......

2011-05-15T19:21:00.002+10:00

Lachlan

wanted scones on Saturday.

We had gone to our local second hand market and I changed where we had morning tea as the queue for food was a long wait.

We always buy a serving of scones and Lachlan always devours them.

He cried when we were not getting them.

So I told him I would make him some when we got home.

And I did.

He helped.

Hamish helped.

We whipped the cream.

Lachie did that.

and then we ate them

and it was lovely.

They were warm, fresh and utterly delicious.

and

this young man of mine

that I will do just about anything for

was more than happy with a plain old batch of scones.

♥ white

2011-05-11T20:34:00.002+10:00

I ♥ white

it's on my walls

it's on my furniture

it's on my plates

it's on my glass ware

it's on my ovenware

it's on my clothes

Lord how it is on my clothes

it's on my towels

it's on my bed linen

it's on my children's bedlinen

it's on my candles

{it's not on swimmers or shoes}

it's on the letters I had on my gorgeous coffee table my husband made for me many years ago

This is a photo from a number of years ago

my husband made this coffee table for me after I saw a table just like this one in a shop nearby for about one squillion dollars... or... about $700...

either way that was way too pricey for little old me

and

since my husband should have been a carpenter... he was very happy to make this for me

and then we walked down to the beach and grabbed a bucketful of sand

washed it, dried it and.....

my white coffee table

We once put hermit crabs in for a wander and they made the best footprints ever....

link up with sarah's good life wednesday

she blogs at abeachcottage

♥ white indeed

mother's day..... our style

2011-05-08T14:22:00.002+10:00

We've done the early morning wake up scramble into Mum & Dad's giant bed

*except for Morgan who had been out late last night*

We've opened the handmade at school & kindy treasure's all mothers receive

*warm heart*

We've had the luke warm tea & undercooked toast with the wrong topping on it

*crumbs in the bed*

*sticky fingered twins insisting on sharing*

We've spoken to our sister's & mother's

& absent son's

We've been to the park.....

*for hours*

now we await an afternoon movie

{Hoodwinked Too!}

just me & my middle boys

& dinner with my mother

it will be good :)

these are my slippers..... knitted charcoal day boot soft soled ugg styles.... lovely

I am in heaven.

I have them on right now & my toes are doing a little dance.

I hate cold toes.

I have a theory {about myself because I know from a medical point it's not true} that if I have cold feet... I feel like I'm coming down with a cold.

I hate having hot feet

but these charcoal knitted beauties are just perfection.

I got them as a mother's day gift from my family

this is that family

{yeah I used a filter from Instagram and now I hate that filter over this photo but so what

the family is still the family regardless of filter}

This is the twins inside a nice cane basket I use as a blanket box in our bedroom.

I was changing our bedlinen to our heavier stuff when in they both popped

juice boxes in hand.

and this is me a few days ago.

I had my hair straightened and cut a little while ago

Rebecca asked for a photo

but I am rarely in front of the camera

so that's why you got one with the phone in it

it's me

unstyled

hair shaked out

I am very happy with having about half the amount of wild wooly hair I used to have.

This looks like me at about 17

but now I look 43

which is just fine

because I am 43

happy mother's day

to those of you who no longer have your babies

but hold them in your hearts

to those of us who struggle with infertility

to those of you just waiting for the right time to start your family

to those of us plodding through each day

to those of us embracing every single second with our family

whatever form it takes

sunny blessings to you {us} all

Wednesday... because I like it.....

2011-05-04T12:47:00.004+10:00

Sarah, at abeachcottage

hosts a good life wednesday

linky party bloggy fun thing.

just because we need to stop and think about Wednesdays and all they hold for us.... no not really.

Just join in because every day is a good day... she just chose Wednesdays ;)

These Lillies are rocking my socks..... I got a nice large bunch @ a market close enough to my hometown.... for $10....

they are still going strong more than two weeks later and their fragrance is amazing.

In a house with boy boy boy boy man.... nice smells are a little tricky to come by.

I arrived home to my locked up, closed up house and what was that strange smell?????

my Lillies

{look at those petals. The colour is perfection. Nature truly does out on a spectacular show}

and

in my house of blue blue blue blue blue

a little pink is nice

*sigh

*****

Hotwheels... what more do I need to say. If you have young boys or have had a gorgeous young man in your life you will know that for four year olds there is no. other. toy.

Hamish has inherited a vast array of them but has also been able to add to his collection with his own birthdays, Christmas and an occasional treat. He will play with them for hours... and hours. He recently got out a few of the tracks, sets that colour change and so on. I am being an amazing mother right now because it is a set up that is all over the floor of his room. He's loving it. I'm even picking him up early from Kindy because there just aren't enough hours in his day for all he could achieve.

*****

My evening meal is Chicken Laksa.... my girlfriend makes one that you can smell from across the street.

You know when you walk around your neighbourhood and you smell something divine cooking and try to guess what that family is having for dinner? You probably just walked past my friend's house. She cooks amazing, simple, nutritious food and I love that she shared her recipe for this dish with me. We all love love love it.

LOVE

so my Wednesday might be dull in some people's eyes but I am a contented soul today.

I feel like the planets are aligned and I am able to focus on the small, simple life that I crave with my very soul.

~LOVE~

and in the wake of Bin Laden dying all I want to add is

PEACE

may we all live in a world of peace

nesting

2011-05-02T13:47:00.002+10:00

The sun is shining and the breeze is fresh. Our weather has become just a hint colder but it is still divine. I feel very lucky to live where I do...

I have been caught by that nasty bug one gets when one is expecting a baby... except I'm not expecting a baby. I'm sorting & cleaning & throwing away like a woman on a mission. My husband laughed at me just yesterday as I was pulling furniture away form the wall and cleaning and wiping like nobody's business. He laughed at me and said 'are you sure your not nesting?'. I looked down at my somewhat chubby tummy but definitely not with child tummy and laughed back at him saying..... "no. I just want a minimalist house with a giant dose of clean thrown at it"

My house is always clean. I was an ICU nurse after all... we are slightly obsessive types. I love the smell of bleach. I love sparkling windows. I hate seeing smeary fingerprints..... but I have relaxed over the journey of six children and I do not stress anymore over such silliness as chocolatey smears on my pristine white kitchen..... or my gorgeous french doors that lead out to my sunlit ocean facing deck. No, it bugs me after a few days or even a lot of days.... I haven't raised my voice about smears in like forever...

oh, no I did. The other day someone with small feet smeared chicken poop onto my bedlinen. But I did just moan under my breath. It wasn't deliberate smearing..... it was off the bottom of a small foot.

Anyway... back to my clean minimalist house.... I'm laughing at myself because how can I ever expect to have a house of minimum with such a brood? Four boys, plus a teenage girl..... and my husband {who is the worst kind of hoarder} and me. I'm beyond sentimental..... I keep all sorts of strange things.

Two days ago my husband took his car & our large trailer to the local charity shop full to overflowing with stuff. He had stopped at the kindy our children go to..... they took all the books. The charity shop took every other thing. Even the things we thought would end up at the tip. My next mission is Lachlan & Hamish's room. We plan to move Lachie into Matt's old room as soon as Geoffrey puts another window in it. I want to half the toys. They have an awful lot..... it can be halved and I will do it. Wednesday looks open to me ..... so Wednesday it is.

Now I must go empty out the drawer with my pyjamas in it..... it also has scarves for winter and some material offcuts. It needs sorting. While the twinadoes nap... I am there.

So it's not really nesting.... but if you saw me you'd have to agree with my husband. It's weird.

It may not end up minimalist but it will end up less........

anyone

2011-04-26T14:28:00.000+10:00

anyone want to meet me in Paris....?

I have a craving for Almond Croissant

& only France will do......

Anzac Day 2011

2011-04-25T14:02:00.003+10:00

It's been 68 years since my mother lost her father.

He was killed in World War 2.

He was a pilot and was a member of the Royal Australian Air Force but he was attached to an American Battalion.

His plane was shot down over Papua New Guinea all those long years ago.

His body was never found, there was no service to farewell him, there is no grave.

My mother does not lament growing up fatherless, it's just what happened.

She knows she is far from the only child of that generation to have lost a father.

I often wonder how different she might have been if she'd had her father in her life.

You can't do that though can you?

Anzac Day has never been a big deal for us as a family.

Growing up, even though my close relative died during war time, it was not a day we participated in.

I don't really know why.

As I age I am appreciating the loss families suffered, those young, young men ....

So..... today, we spent the morning out as a family.

My family, my sister's family & my mother.

We went to a park.

It was drizzling like a Scottish mist.... but warmer ;)

{Geoffrey encouraging Hamish to climb higher & higher}

{Angus... having fun at the bottom of the slide}

{Stirling..... just surveying the scene}

{My niece Skye}

{Lachlan..... pretending he's being good}

{Skye being pushed by her big sister, my other niece, Mila}

{my umbrella... because it was wet}

{Lachlan.....}

...so...

Lest We Forget

nerd alert

2011-04-18T21:07:00.001+10:00

call me a nerd.... that's ok.. I can handle it

I'm really loving playing scrabble on my ipad..... and I mix it up a little with solitaire

I know...... ♥

♥ Saturday

2011-04-17T20:55:00.002+10:00

Sarah @ abeachcottage

seems to ♥ Saturday almost as much as me

but has more sports commitments than I do

but I have more children

so being time poor for ourselves I guess strikes a chord

with many more than just her & me

the mission this week was to

get ruffly

get flowers

get happy

cool

all doable in my books

except that I was at an airport

enduring long delays

and then taking my beautiful daughter to

.... ummm....

get more pierced than she already is

*i know

so shopping alone for flowers was off the cards

I did however come home from the airport

where I put my son on a plane for his new home

my husband had picked a rose form our garden, found my favourite little recycled juice bottle and popped it in the bathroom so I could see it twice, reflected :)

that was nice..... and enough in my mind to qualify as mission accomplished

thanks geoffrey

♥ saturday

our time

2011-04-17T17:00:00.008+10:00

it was good

it was emotion filled

it was frustrating

it was informative

it was sad

it was funny

it was strange

it was warming

it was hard

I'm glad he's gone

I was worried about how hard it might be for me to say goodbye again

it wasn't at all

Matt was not who he used to be

which is good as he wasn't happy with who he was when he lived with us

but it's sad because he's hardened

he's in survival mode

I understand it

but I don't like it and I wish very much every single aspect of this were different.

I wish I had been everything he could have needed

but I'm not

I wasn't

so he's gone back to Dad

& I am ok.

I really am.

I guess this is a part of parenting that is new to me

the part where you step back

make sure they are cared for

that they are safe

and then let them spread their fledgling wings

and hopefully they learn to fly

good life wednesday

2011-04-13T20:13:00.002+10:00

these crazy twins

this duo of madness

these monsters of mayhem

make my world twirl

but man my life is good because of them

I love to greet them in the mornings

I love to take them for walks

I love their kindy day

I love to see them relate to the rest of the brood

I love to take them to the beach

I love to push them on their swings

I love to see them read books

I love to watch them jump on the trampoline

I love swimming with them

I love choosing their clothes

{we are having a mummy phase of identical dressing....

I have done it a little in the past but seem to be doing it a whole lot lately}

I love to pop them into bed

I love kisses

I love snuggles

I love talking to them

I love looking into their eyes

They make my life so very, very good.

Sometimes when my world is spinning.....

like it has been for the last few days....

I need them to force me to slow down

take deep breaths and stop

quietly

and just revel in the fact that my life is hectic, chaotic and at times shambolic all because we have them

and I love it.

completely.

Sarah @ abeachcottage hosts a good life wednesday blog party

strange days

2011-04-11T20:10:00.002+10:00

My boy is back.. but only for seven sleeps.

It is bittersweet indeed.

I miss him.

He misses me.

He misses his siblings.

His sister misses him. It brought tears to my eyes to see them re-unite..... all silly & awkward but straight into a game of pool and smarty comments back & forth and endless 'in' jokes.....

It highlights to me how much my life has changed.

I have been a complete ball of anxiety since his return..... waiting for him to act up.

And he has.

Twice.

I've been strict and non-emotional.

I've learned a bit from my counselling I hope.

He looks happy & healthy but I daren't scratch beneath the surface for I fear a very unsettled young man.

I'm trying to enjoy this time with him. I miss having him with me so very, very much.

The pain of having a child that chooses to live away from you, his mother, is just excruciating.

I'm tough but I'm not sure I'm this tough.

♥ all my children.... motherhood is not for wimps

so sad......

2011-04-06T20:02:00.002+10:00

yesterday a young 13 year old boy from my children's school died suddenly.....

I was just reading through his facebook dedication page that his friends created

it just makes my throat close over imagining that sort of pain.......

Matt knew him

there is just something so so so so sad about children dying.....

I know it happens but it's still not right or fair or something that's rational......

now he has wings

♥ snowy

my week in pictures.....

2011-04-04T20:21:00.002+10:00

well... little snippets of my week.....

Hamish making road tracks in the shower

this is his favourite thing to do in the shower right now

Hamish was very unwell one day so stayed home from Kindy

I insisted he have a formal rest time just like he does @ Kindy

he had a small amount of quiet time in his room

he built this

***

a book house for Hotwheels....

you take the lid off

Voila

cars galore

"rest time"

Hamish & Angus & Stirling

playing with their {Hamish's} cars

yes, we have a lot of very small toy cars

that happens after 15 years of 'boy'... and five sons

we also have a lot of Transformers

just sayin'

Lachlan being funny having a shower

he just likes getting clean & getting out

or pushing all his brothers out of the water so he can hog it all.....

either is ok by Lachlan

Angus in the bath.

he figured out a while ago about using this orange 'whale' toy to fill up a water wheel.....

he does it over & over & over

over

the orange toy was ahem *removed from 'play' for a long time due to the twins inability to adhere to our vague yet completely strict and consistent rule that water stays IN the bath...... they got it back recently and are trying hard to just play with the water wheel.

ahhhh YES

this one

...... an *excellent quality phone photo of when mummy dashed to the bathroom for a one minute bathroom stop....... in her own bathroom.....

Only to discover the twinadoes in their bathroom having mastered the plug and then the complete filling and overflowing of the sink.

I was alerted to this particular incident because of the sound of trickling water...... trickling down the sides of the cupboard and all over the floor. Inside the cupboard was soaked..... towels, spare soap, new toothbrushes still in their packets.....

You picturing the clean up?

A one minute pee for me turned into about a 30 minute clean up.....

who doesn't just adore their two year old twins??

Angus playing 'tunnels' with his toy dog.

Since Molly died he has seemed ok.

However he is very attached now to this medium sized stuffed dog Geoffrey's father bought for him.

They sleep together ...... and play.... tunnels.

The dog was loving it :|

some cheap

cheerful flowers to me from me

little snippets of my week in pictures

Say *thankyou as I did not include the vomit or liquid poop or headache meds I have taken or photos of lunchboxes, laundry, windy, rainy days....... just the semi-interesting stuff.

My reality this week has been down right nasty

♥ Saturday

2011-03-26T18:53:00.006+10:00

what is it with me & abeachcottage?

but now Sarah is talking about being in ♥ with Saturdays

and who isn't?

I do.... Saturday for us usually means swimming lessons early with our four smallest boys

then go.go.go for the rest of the day

just because go.go.go is really the only pace we seem to run at here

today however my husband & I woke up to a house of quiet... and peace

we had a gathering of teens here last night

[I may blog about that another post as the lead up fascinated me]

my mother took all four small boys for a sleepover

[for the first time ever]

so when Geoffrey & I woke up [naturally... like no little people racing to the bathroom or charging through the door like a lion is behind them..... no alarm set for work.... you know when your body wakes itself... yeah, you getting that type of waking for us has been years & years?]

anyway.....

the sun shone through some try hard cloud cover...

these are some of the palms in my yard

Geoffrey decided to let our twins have some old fashioned outdoors fun in the sun.....

well partial sun anyway.....

he set the sprinkler and Angus had a ball

He seemed to enjoy backing up to it.

I'm not even going to analyse that!

{haha}

Stirling has been very ill the last few days with a nasty piece of work that involved his body propelling all sorts of nastiness from it... for hours and hours and days and days.

He looks better this evening but seems scrawny and sickly looking.

He was dressed to play like his brother but instead pottered close to the house.

As though life kind of scared him a little.

Poor Stirling... he's the cute one with the glint in his eye usually

{oh and just in case you are the slightest bit curious... "grumbles" there in the doorway [or Lachlan as I like to call him] was all annoyed because cleaning up after the party was just taking wayyyyyy tooooo looong}

When le twins went to bed for their nap, we left them in Morgan's great care and headed south to a photographic exhibition.

This is a picture of a picture... keep up...... of my twins featuring in the

Twins of Australia

exhibition

They are the middle two... with the dog in the foreground.... she's dead now :(

We attended today and picked up this print & a copy of the book

An awesome project to have been asked to participate in

I am very proud indeed to be a member of such an elite group

My girlfriend & I feature, along with many others, on the front cover

{cool}

This is her with one of her boys...

she has identical twin boys born 10 days after mine were......

she's amazing :)

{Oh... and just in case you are my facebook friend... this is a picture of my new haircut except it does not indicate the true length which actually falls way down my back...

I will get to it Rebecca I promise}

I feel like I've rambled & rambled & rambled

but almost said not much at all about my lovely day.

I love having days with my family.

My husband works such a lot so for us to all catch a day together and just do stuff.....

like play in the sprinkler, or clean up after a party, or drive somewhere together is just nice.....

I ♥ this particular Saturday because that's exactly what I got today......

Peace out

♥

Good Life Wednesday

2011-03-23T09:00:00.000+10:00

I ♥ white flowers

always have

always will

yellow ones also

[I must admit]

my mother hates yellow flowers

orange ones too.....

this, of course

brings out the rebel in me ;)

Join us for Sarah's linky party thingy.....o

@ her most delightful bloggy blog

A Beach Cottage

my favourite four year olds

2011-03-22T09:31:00.000+10:00

this is Hamish

his sweet little friend

they just really like each other

an awful, awful lot

she comes to play almost every weekend.

we were making muffins here :)

whenever their playdates end there are many tears

on kindy days the excitement about spending the day together is palpable

it's the sweetest thing ever

love

2011-03-21T20:47:00.001+10:00

'how do I love thee?'

...... too many ways to count

but I might start with his eyes

love Stirling's eyes.......

Rain

2011-03-20T14:53:00.000+10:00

after the shocking floods of January

and the endless falls of December

a spot of rain over the last few days is a welcome sight.

everything feels fresh

baby it's cool outside

2011-03-19T14:34:00.002+10:00

it seems to me that Autumn has finally come to the

knock your socks off sweltering so hot your head is going to explode off your body

melt headache melt

Sunshine Coast

today

that

right there is my very first hot chocolate in like forever

{{I like mine with a hint of chilli in it just for a little extra zing}}

we had swimming lessons this morning with the four smalls

the water was beautifully warm

there was no breeze

it would have been perfection except for the heavy cloud cover

a little later on

down came the rain

but with it came this most calming feeling of coolness

coolness wafting through my world

*heaven*

and none too soon

or my head may have seriously exploded right off my body

happy days

2011-03-18T15:27:00.001+10:00

here in all it's unedited glory is my smaller than normal brood of delights

morgan front & centre as she is the birthday girl after all

hamish is doing something to his hair

lachlan is engrossed in a game on my phone

the twins had sat still for longer than a split second

so I stood on a chair & photographed them

don't you just LOVE her hair??

and the winner is.....

2011-03-17T09:28:00.000+10:00

because I get to be this sweet young lady's mother.

I've done it for sixteen years now.

She is quite simply heaven wrapped up in a young lady.

I listen to my poor friends moan about their teen girls.

I have listened to me moan about my teen boy.

There is nothing to moan about with her....

She is delightful.

In every way.

She's bubbly & delightful.

I LOVE her so much.

I'm SO proud of who she is.

How she is growing up.

How she's handling these oh so hard years.

How she manages having not just all my sons but her father's sons too...

the girl has seven brothers.

She'd love a sister.

I hope with all my motherly heart she gets to enjoy the pleasure of

a daughter...

because my life with her has been Heaven on Earth.

I never, ever knew it could be this good.

I'm so lucky.

Happy Sixteenth Birthday Morgan.

♥

I snapped these two photos as we sat on our deck just the other night & ate dinner.

Well, we ate dinner and all the small boys kinda picked at their food and then walked around and spotted birds and butterflies.

Morgan is so patient, so kind.

Having so many small brothers is so good for her.

She deserves every good thing that comes her way :):)

Morgan

2011-03-16T21:26:00.005+10:00

2006

turning 11

2007

turning 12

2008

turning 13

2009

turning 14

2010

turning 15

she's just had her hair permanently straightened just yesterday

long sleek dark

she reminds me of me at 16

but I was fatter

true

:):)

books

2011-03-10T20:57:00.000+10:00

who can go past a book with simple illustrations that are so colour FULL

your eyes feel like they are arriving at a party?

and who can go past a small child's book with a finger puppet as the central character?

Especially after almost crying during "Despicable Me" when he finally reads the girls that lovely story about the kittens... and he does the little finger actions

*sigh

I ♥ children's books

Hamish

2011-03-10T13:23:00.003+10:00

My handsome Hamish is home today with a quick onset of conjunctivitis

so I dashed him off to see his Daddy at work &

grabbed him the appropriate anti-biotic drops while I was there.

There are a few perks about having a doctor for your Dad :)

We went from there to grab some groceries because I have another cold brewing.

So I'm cooking chicken soup.

We then went to the local florist just for a look because he completely loves flowers.

He spotted these two beauties and I got them at a discount as they are slightly less than perfect.

Aren't they lovely??

He's having a great day with just me....

well & the twins of course but they are napping.

We are watching "Transformers" and I am blogging and he is doing Tangrams on the ipad.

His eye looks sore.

my afternoon

2011-03-09T19:36:00.004+10:00

involved gelati with Lachlan... just him & me.

One child. Amazing.

Beautiful cards.... I wish I could draw like this

quite simply my favourite glasses

French Bee Wine glasses.

I'm having water in them right now.

The White House

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I think of my house as predominately white.

White walls

White ceilings

White doors

White curtains {well 'ice'}

White kitchen cabinets

White Marble benchtops

White dining chairs

White coffee table

it's all white

but then as I took this pic of my brand new tram banner

{which names the suburb I was born in & the arts of Sydney I grew up in & hold very dear to my heart}

all I can see is colour jumping out at me.

My custom Red Hibiscus Mini Mal

My painted for us by a local artist paintings of the beach

Fresh orange roses my husband just bought for me

My "Keep Calm & Carry On" sign

A bright blue glass bowl from Cairns

A sunset painting of Broome

A painting of the headland just near our house

of course toys galore

oh & Hamish ♥ in all his colour glory

so my white house seems a whole lot less white right now